“My list” of Conscious Efforts

 

A few weeks back, my constantly over analyzing brain was trying to understand a puzzle. Why is it, that many of us have a lot of good connects and relationships, but we aren’t successful in nurturing them in a healthy peaceful way. Especially with our near and dear ones – family and friends included.

For example, a particular bond - that connected instantly, bloomed naturally, just suddenly stops thriving; and at times, appears like a dead twig.

Of course, this doesn’t happen all the time and with everybody. But lately, I have been observing a surge in these instances.

After looking at loads of thoughts and threads in my mind, it occurred to me that we tend to glide through so many close relationships with a lot of actions and efforts. But we do not even realize it - when we are in the process.

There are many subtle things we do unconsciously; the sailing is super smooth. However, because we have been doing certain things for the other person or the relationship intuitively, we do not realize when the same effort is unknowingly modified, overdone, and at times ceases to exist! And there goes the relation for a toss – for NO apparent reason 😐.

[A side note - I am leaving aside things that alter or stop as a reaction to an action from the other person – that’s another story, not for now!]

Coming back to what I was trying to say, we lose the sparkle in a relationship because we have derailed from the efforts that we were unknowingly putting in. They were NOT a result of our purposeful efforts. We leave away that part.

But there is something we can do from restricting this to be a recurring theme. What we can do, is make a list of some Conscious efforts that we need to put in place to sustain the warmth in our cords with people, that truly matter to us.

Now when I say conscious efforts, it is just not a list of things to do, but also includes existing things to be modified in the approach and some things NOT to do 😊.

Here’s a list that I chalked out for myself –

BE in the moment. 

It helps me be mindful generally. I am just a beginner though – there are times when I dwell in the past and worry about the future. But with some conscious effort, it is not completely impossible. This habit of “being in the present” stops me from ruminating over the relationships too – just focus on the present- do what you can for the person or the bond you value. It also sends a “I am there” vibe in the connection.

STOP advising and instructing continuously and unnecessarily.

That does not mean I will not advise out of goodwill but try and limit it 😉. Advising and instructing can go overboard at times and one fine day out of nowhere you become the bad person who doesn’t trust others on their decision-making skills.

 

PAUSE and take a note of the fact that I have my own struggles to take on – and so do others!

This helps me stay away from the whining or the “why me” track. The acknowledgement that others have their own struggles and make them behave or act in a particular way is a great pacifier. It makes me look at the other angle, be empathetic and give some space (have my own space too).

This of course does not mean I become a saint and let go all wrong doings under “their struggles” tag.

 

SAY IT out loud when you actually value people in your life.

Like (mis)communication, we often assume things and overlook clarity when it comes to explicitly conveying to a person that he/she is valued in your life. The person that I value “just knows it” - is a thought that needs a real second look. And this just does not stop at conveying; but needs to be extended by simple “how are you” messages or “I just called to say hi” calls.

I admit, I need to work on myself to improve on this. But, now that I know, I will make an effort towards it. Small things, but worth a try!

 

APPLAUD yourself too at times, while you appreciate others.

Yes, we do know that appreciating others is important and makes us and the receiver feel good. Let me not forget to applaud my own efforts – not necessarily my achievements. Achievements, big or small are always a questionable item for me. So, to keep at the least, I will look at my efforts and appreciate them. This is likely to keep me focused on the positives in myself and the other person and the connection I have with them.

 

The point is, why not add some “conscious efforts” to the huge list of “social efforts” we all have – the work of being genuinely good to others, the attempt to spend time for a cause is huge and good, of course!  But try and add a “My list”; who knows, the twig still has a little life, and is waiting for some sunshine 🌞.

My list is not too long, not very small either. But let me start – and wait for a positive change to slowly appear. Will keep you posted! 😊