Sitting with Myself

 

The onset of the pandemic was a havoc- not just on the routine, the physical aspects of life, but also the mental realm. The work from home, being in constant proximity of the family – everything was so different. On one hand, I was grateful that I had a job, I had a house and a family to be with. On the other hand, the chaos that arose from the upheaval of the routine; the so-called normal life was unsettling.

Now that it is more than a year with life inside the four walls and in front of the laptop, the unsettled part of life still stirs, but no longer causes chaos in me. Just as I was coming to terms with these thoughts, I heard a question from someone– Are you comfortable with this new way – there are so many things that are actually useful – not needing to travel, not really running around following strict time schedules “to reach somewhere”, not necessarily talking to people just because you have to?

The question made me think more about the feeling of “settling” that I had just begin to be aware of. For a moment if I leave out the fear that has been with us – what about the other aspects? Why does not having a strict routine, not having to run around, not having to talk to people – cause chaos?

I was so busy trying to be with people, doing mundane chores, running tight schedules, commuting in heavy traffic – all that was left behind. But yet it took me a year to settle at a slower pace doing things differently. Of course, change even minus the fear is difficult to digest. But I am now coming to terms with the lesser chaos in my life- I am more or less at peace with it.

I now have the time and the wisdom(?😉) to look at life just happening around me and within me, I am now comfortable just sitting with myself. Look inside me and work on myself - mind you, this is highly uncomfortable. However, all this has been a blessing in disguise. It is unfortunate that it took external havoc – to trigger me to this phase and help me unleash the power of just sitting with myself comfortably.

I hope that I continue to be with this newfound power – to use it to the best- for inner work and to settle the dust around me too.

I secretly wish that this power blesses anyone and everyone who is ready. 😊

Hail serenity; long live the tranquility in me!